Got this in my email...no words to describe the utter dumbness dis woman displayed...
Thursday, October 15, 2009
Disorder in the American courts
These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are (purportedly) things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. Hard to believe some of these - but they are pretty funny.
ATTORNEY: "What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?"
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: "And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: "My name is Susan!"
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
WITNESS: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
_____________ _______________________________
ATTORNEY: "Are you sexually active?"
WITNESS: "No, I just lie there."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "And in what way does it affect your memory?"
WITNESS: "I forget."
ATTORNEY: "You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?"
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?"
WITNESS: "We both do."
ATTORNEY: "Voodoo?"
WITNESS: "We do."
ATTORNEY: "You do?
WITNESS: "Yes, voodoo."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: "The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?"
WITNESS: "He's twenty, much like your IQ."
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
WITNESS: "Are you shitting me?"
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "And what were you doing at that time?"
WITNESS: "Getting laid."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "She had three children, right?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "How many were boys?"
WITNESS: "None."
ATTORNEY: "Were there any girls?"
WITNESS : "Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?"
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
WITNESS: "By death."
ATTORNEY: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
WITNESS: "Take a guess."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Can you describe the individual?"
WITNESS: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
ATTORNEY: "Was this a male or a female?"
WITNESS: "Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male."
_________ ____________________________
ATTORNEY: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
WITNESS: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
WITNESS: "All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight."
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
WITNESS: "Oral."
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
WITNESS: "The autopsy started around 8:30 pm."
ATTORNEY: "And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?"
WITNESS: "If not, he was by the time I finished."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
WITNESS: "Are you qualified to ask that question?"
_____________ _________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "Did you check for breathing?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
WITNESS: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
ATTORNEY: "I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"
WITNESS: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law."
ATTORNEY: "What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?"
WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
ATTORNEY: "And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: "My name is Susan!"
___________________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?"
WITNESS: "Gucci sweats and Reeboks."
_____________ _______________________________
ATTORNEY: "Are you sexually active?"
WITNESS: "No, I just lie there."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "This Myasthenia Gravis, does it affect your memory at all?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "And in what way does it affect your memory?"
WITNESS: "I forget."
ATTORNEY: "You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?"
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?"
WITNESS: "We both do."
ATTORNEY: "Voodoo?"
WITNESS: "We do."
ATTORNEY: "You do?
WITNESS: "Yes, voodoo."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?"
WITNESS: "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"
____________________________________
ATTORNEY: "The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?"
WITNESS: "He's twenty, much like your IQ."
___________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Were you present when your picture was taken?"
WITNESS: "Are you shitting me?"
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "And what were you doing at that time?"
WITNESS: "Getting laid."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "She had three children, right?"
WITNESS: "Yes."
ATTORNEY: "How many were boys?"
WITNESS: "None."
ATTORNEY: "Were there any girls?"
WITNESS : "Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?"
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "How was your first marriage terminated?"
WITNESS: "By death."
ATTORNEY: "And by whose death was it terminated?"
WITNESS: "Take a guess."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Can you describe the individual?"
WITNESS: "He was about medium height and had a beard."
ATTORNEY: "Was this a male or a female?"
WITNESS: "Unless the circus was in town, I'm going with male."
_________ ____________________________
ATTORNEY: "Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?"
WITNESS: "No, this is how I dress when I go to work."
______________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?"
WITNESS: "All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight."
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?"
WITNESS: "Oral."
_________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Do you recall the time that you examined the body?"
WITNESS: "The autopsy started around 8:30 pm."
ATTORNEY: "And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?"
WITNESS: "If not, he was by the time I finished."
____________________________________________
ATTORNEY: "Are you qualified to give a urine sample?"
WITNESS: "Are you qualified to ask that question?"
_____________ _________________________
And the best for last:
ATTORNEY: "Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "Did you check for blood pressure?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "Did you check for breathing?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?"
WITNESS: "No."
ATTORNEY: "How can you be so sure, doctor?"
WITNESS: "Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar."
ATTORNEY: "I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?"
WITNESS: "Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practising law."
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
Love that Endures....
A touching story.......
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Love," like all the years before.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on her Birthday before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know."
"The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance."
"Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."
"There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago."
"Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."
"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife."
"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."
"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."
"Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock."
"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Love," like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day."
"My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day."
"My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on her Birthday before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know."
"The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance."
"Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance."
"There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago."
"Then, should ever, I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome."
"I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife."
"You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years."
"When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still."
"Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock."
"He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again."
Monday, October 12, 2009
Lost in History
got my head spinnned real fast after reading an article bout this last month..hmm...seems like there's so much things we are concealed from..hmm..wont be such a stretchafter all if i say most ppl today 'buta sejarah'. err...termasuk aku...we must dig into the past before we can fully understand who we are.
Friday, October 9, 2009
Weekend Getaway Pt. 2
as time stood still
love the colours
gamba curik
happiness is in the air
comel kan??
errr....
out of the world happines: just like we once had
sweet kan dorg??
nice eh?
body dat gurl mmg sengaja xdimasukkan dlm gamba,harap maklum
kancil letak tayar cm SUV...tu blum letak tangga skali
mcm nite rider
seswai ke?
tgh berkira2 nk convert Waja nya juga
umah bala/disney...hehe
once,my home away from home...
Naga 9
He, who holds the key
Air Limau Asam Boi Subaidah...*drool
Dataran Merdeka @ midnight
???Weekend Getaway Pt. 1
membasahkan tekak sambil tgu AEW keluar hospital @ Ampang
Jonker Street @ Dusk
Roses in bloom
tunggu sekejap wahai kasih....kerana hujan masih renyai. yeah..it was drizzling @ that time
Subaidah....nothin' beats those ciken!
Bukit Ampang: a rendezvous
Maulana's ciken burger: Azam's Supper
Equine new eatery: so-so jeklocation:Bukit Ampang,Melaka,Equine
Thursday, October 8, 2009
You Think It's LOVE eh??
10 Signs of Being In Love That Might Actually Be Symptoms of Crippling or Fatal Disease:
no 1: Skippy heart beat everytime you think of him/her
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Tachycardia which may lead to ventricular fibrillation and myocardial infarction (heart attack).
~~~ might want to stop think about your other half ;p
no 2: Restless trembling of hands, feet and other body parts
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Parkinson's disease
no 3: Constant smiling
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Bell's Palsy
~~Bel, no pun intended! hehehe
no 4: Absent mindedness, forgetfulness, inability to focus
You think it's = LOVE
But it might be = Alzheimer's Disease
no 5: Constant sexual arousal
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Nymphomania
no 6: Weakening of knees & burst of energy when he/she calls/come over
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Multiple sclerosis
no 7: Inability to stop thinking about him/her
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: OCD (obsessive compulsive disease)
~~Careful, might ended up as psycho..huhu
no 8: bruising on the neck, breasts and other tender spots
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Leukemia
no 9: Insomnia
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Benign Prostatic Hyperplasia
no 10: Feeling like you can smell/feel him/her when not in his/her presence
You think it's: LOVE
But it might be: Schizophrenia
This is so hilarious!!! Might want to reconsider fallin' in love. Why it's called FALL in love? Because it is dangerous and might be fatal! Be careful! Try to seek professional advice before fall in too deep than you should .
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