Bananas

hmm...pretty early for me to be here @ library. truth is, ijust can stand even 1 second longer, stucked inside that meetin' room with nothin' to do. i've nearly blistered my thumbs from aggressively moving Sub-Zero and Sindel, makin' them kickin' thrashin' K-O'ing their opponents in that black PSP, courtesy from DarkSky. i've read the Captain's Lady till my eyes watered and went blurry. i nearly went berserk after readin' the newspaper, taken from the waitin' area, from all the injustice done in this world! truth is...yes i'm goin' bananas!

tp...not only here @ work. kt rumah pon aku bosan gak. yep. i've always dreamed off a good rest. just chillin',lazing. tp smlm huhuhu...busan dowh! nobody's home and m too dem lazy to go out. so buat megi goreng (housemate,sy amek megi kari. halalkan ek) and just watched Legend of the Fall. me ex-opismates ajak datang umah last nite but i turn it down cos malas datang sorg when everybody else is bringing their better (better sgt ke??) half. cm loser lak if i m to show up on the doorstep 'sola'. loser is the 1 thing i'm not, tho ade gak manusia yg macam bagus yg mulut xinsuran, suke-suke hati panggil org laen loser..budus! eh..berbalik ke topic. tp ape yg loser nyer being on my own?ape da... mentaliti cap cipan.

Jaded

dem! 'nother blase,phlegmatic,lethargic and torpid day. i'm @ my wits end tryin' to keep me amused so that i wont get inflicted by this unfeeling, endless ennui and become loco. gimme somethin' better to do!!! tp starting next week lak, i'll be busy the bees.and they'll torture me to death during the 1 week induction @ Kluang. dem!!i'll mess my cousin's weddin' @ SP. aku dah janji nak p dah...huhu. what to do, duty calls. i was about to quit but my dad kept on motivatin me. i owe him so much! dunno what i'll turn into without him. back to the kenuri thing. maybe it's a good thing me not goin'. kazen2 sume mesti berkumpul,dengan pak dia mak dia tok menakan pupu pak menakan 2 pupu belah mak tam limah, suma2 la...mesti aku kena fire with cmni

'hang bila lg?'
'dah keja gomen ni nak tgu apa lg?'
'ni nak habaq mai,26 tu dah tua tau.boleh beranak 2 3 ekoq dah'

adeh...incessant naggin' to get me tie the knot, get knocked and start multiplying like rabbits!duh...there's more to life than just that u know!i'm not ready to settle down just yet. or maybe i am ready but i'm the state of denial or maybe i'm concocting these excuses to...to...to what? ntah la...aku malaas nak pikir

now m @ the lib. biotech dept best x????nak buat research jap.

Baru

aku d tempat baru.

suasana baru

org baru

makanan baru

kerja baru

kawan baru

cabaran baru

pakwe baru?

ngehngeh...aku bosan dol!

....

URGHH DEMMIT!

getting a lil' emo @ the moment. blom pape lg. guess i hate changes. dats y. I hate to breakaway from my comfort zone.

kring....Kringgggg....

Glanced @ the caller ID. Bos dak2 moderator @15 rupenye.

bos mod: 'Pah...nape xbgtau abg pah nak pergi?'
aku: 'erk...' abg??
bos mod: 'pah...sape nak carikan butang baju melayu abg lepas ni?'
aku: 'Huhuhu....Hasnah ada,Rohani pun ada...mintak la kt dorg'

Hehe..tergelak jap aku melayan panggilan tersebut. He's been like dat ever since I first join the team. agak keladi but nice guy. Tp ilang la emo aku td.good riddance!

Hari Hari Terakhir di ASTRO

Hmm....dem tired! just finished packin' my stuffs. petang ni angkut sume balik umh. tomorrow gotta do the LDO steps (Last Day Office). Hence, figure i'll ne pretty busy tomorrow. dak2 opis lak nak throw a farewell party. Hmm... dem! I hate goodbyes. Never good at it. I hate gettin' all emotional with friends and colleagues and acquaintances. Dgn bf xpe. Best. Hahaha…..

They started calling me Puan. Geez…poyos gile! Dem! It’ll be hard to leave them. 2 years together-gether. Dr Cyberjaya ke TPM. So many things changed. So many things happened. And I have to admit, I’ve become attached to them. Huhuhu…

Mcm xpercaya pun ada…aku leaving ASTRO.... berjuta kali aku bgtau kawan2 aku yg I’m quitting but it just never happen. Hehe.. so kepada sesiapa yg slalu gelakkan aku bile aku cakap cmtu, haa…this time it will be for real. Ahahaha…

Things really happened for reason. Sometimes we got to know what the reasons are but most of the times it’s beyond our comprehension, tp yg aku tau, kalo aku dapat this offer lebih awl, aku xdapat bonus. Hahahahah.

Thanks again to family,kengkawan yg memberi semangat.

Wish me luck

Tuesday May 19th 2009.....m off to Putrajaya, hopin' to hear something dat could make my day....wish me luck!

Flashback

Aku bosan.Aku mencari Mp3 coz the ones dlm pc aku dah kene buang.Then i stumbled upon this song.once,a long,long time ago (felt like ages!) I was deeply touched bile someone dedicated this song with custom made clip to me after a big fight.The wording and the clip was enaf to make me smiled again.Hmm....those were the days. We win some, we lose some. We just can't have it all. Nobody's perfect.

Forgive me by Evanescence.

Can you forgive me again?
I don't know what I said
But I didn't mean to hurt you

I heard the words come out
I felt that I would die
It hurt so much to hurt you

Then you look at me
You're not shouting anymore
You're silently broken

I'd give anything now
to kill those words for you

Each time I say something I regret I cry "I don't want to lose you."
But somehow I know that you will never leave me, yeah.

'Cause you were made for me
Somehow I'll make you see
How happy you make me

I can't live this life
Without you by my side
I need you to survive

So stay with me
You look in my eyes and I'm screaming inside that I'm sorry.

And you forgive me again
You're my one true friend
And I never meant to hurt you

Semalam Dalam Sejarah

Hari semalam akan forever will be etched in the history…how could it be not when I did the stupidest thing, something I shud’ve hev known better than let it happen.

The day started out with me waking up, startled and dazed by the ringing of the phone. Shea Nee called asking me to bring her stuff to the training and I was like;

‘Training? Oh…training…today….OWH SHIT! I’m late!’

Bergegas aku mandi sambil piker melayang my 20 bucks today coz parking kt situ mahal….shuttle from ASTRO dah lepas…

Then in the midst of bersiap, kin baju berterabur, a thought hit me…

‘hey, nape x ponteng jek…semalam pon aku half day jek training...alang2…’
‘hehhehe…bijak2’

So…aku pon sambung tdo……..

3pm: went to Chinese Muslim Restaurant kt KJ with DarkSky for lunch….then bergerak ke Cineleisure…nak tgk wayang….and bermula la hari bersejarah aku…

Location: LDP (flyover before D.U)
Situation: getting congested by the minutes

DarkSky: ‘eh apsal lampu bateri and air menyala’
Me: ‘mati enjin lagi la tu hehehe’ noob…..
Darksky: ‘haah la…eh start pon xboleh!
Me: ‘….?’demmm
Darksky: ‘ You…temperature naek la….overheat!’
Me: Double demmmmm

Maka...DarkSky terpaksa la menolak kete turun bukit dengan penuh macho. sambil aku mengemudi….mmg jam la….pas tolak ketepi baru la smooth sikit….

Air radiator memang kering kontang…. Tuang air masuk tukar jd wap trus…hehehe….Naseb la dlm kete kakak aku tu ada 6 botol air.heheh…so dapat la kete berjalan seperti biasa dlm 15 minit…..

Sungguh adventure hari kami. Tetapi maseh boleh bergelak ketawa…terutama aku…mentertawakan kebodohan diri sendiri…mentang2 la kete pinjam…naseb anak2 ayah aku memangg spare air byk dalam kete…kalo x, terpaksalah DarkSky menapak dengan penuh kepasrahan dan semangat yg tetap utuh, mencari stesen minyak.

Walaupon malang, kami tetap ada mood tgk Star Trek….walaupon Captain Kirk macho, macho lagi DarkSky semasa menolak kete time tgh sesak! menurut katanya...while he was trying to maintain tahap kemachoan tho he was suffocating with the steaming radiator, awek2 rempit sempat mengakat2 kening dan mengenyit2kan mata kepadanya...hurm...leh caye ke???

It was on the edge of my mind to check the car...ye la kete pinjam...kete aku dulu 3 minggu skali baru aku check...ni kete dah lebih 10thn...kene la lagi kerap...tp tu la...mende nak jadi kan...hahaha cm ayat penyedap ati jek bunyik.

Moral of the Story: Walau ape pon terjadi…be able to laugh it off..Life’s too short to be taken seriously.

Menuju Puncak...

Those who havent plan anything for Saturday nite, here's an idea;

Interested?gimme a kol k

karutan semasa membuat OT

after semalaman and seharian melayan jiwa yg kacau bilau, gundah gulana,duka nestapa,duka lara....akhirnya aku mendapat news yg mampu membuatkan aku tersenyum lega...

tp jahat ke aku coz i felt that way?idop org nape aku nak kacau?hmm....yg pasti aku nak org2 disekeliling aku, yg aku betul2 kesah,bahagia....susah sgt ke nk capai bahagia??bukannya macam nak capai nirvana yg pasti xtercapai tu....tp ia memang elusive kan.....xpe sahabatku....sabar2 coz things happen when u least expect it.

Aku Kini #4...

Dem tired!

Ke hulu ke hilir dgn pelbagai issues. dah la Astro packed ngn dak2 yg datang tgk recording Jangan Lupa Lirik... sesak dgn pelbagai bau! tp aku gagahkan jua diri...Kawan aku EL so bertambahlah lagi bebanan aku....

sape2 yg suke tgk AFC tu...hargailah pengorbanan aku ni...huhuu

Aku Kini #3...

aku kini...

m in emotional rut. draped with sense of guilt, utter helplessness so great that left me gasping for breath...literally! it was so scary. and it was ugly as hell!

demmit! i need to get out of it. cant stay wallowin' in self pity and kept blamin' other people and waiting for others to save me.

we are responsible for our actions thus the consequences it follows...

adui la...saket saket....

Mak...

Orang kata aku lahir dari perut mak..
(bukan org kata...memang betul)
Bila dahaga, yang susukan aku.... mak

Bila lapar, yang suapkan aku.... mak

Bila keseorangan, yang sentiasa di sampingku.. .. mak

Kata mak, perkataan pertama yang aku sebut.... Mak

Bila bangun tidur, aku cari.... mak

Bila nangis, orang pertama yang datang .... mak

Bila nak bermanja, aku dekati.... mak

Bila nak bergesel, aku duduk sebelah.... mak

Bila sedih, yang boleh memujukku hanya.... mak

Bila nakal, yang memarahi aku.... mak

Bila merajuk, yang memujukku cuma.... mak

Bila melakukan kesalahan, yang paling cepat marah.... mak

Bila takut, yang tenangkan aku.... mak

Bila nak peluk, yang aku suka peluk.... mak

Aku selalu teringatkan .... mak

Bila sedih, aku mesti talipon.... mak

Bila seronok, orang pertama aku nak beritahu..... mak

Bila bengang.. aku suka luah pada.. mak

Bila takut, aku selalu panggil... "mmaaakkkk! "

Bila sakit, orang paling risau adalah.... mak

Bila nak exam, orang paling sibuk juga.... mak

Bila buat hal, yang marah aku dulu.... mak

Bila ada masalah, yang paling risau.... mak

Yang masih peluk dan cium aku sampai hari ni.. mak

Yang selalu masak makanan kegemaranku.... mak

Kalau balik ke kampung, yang selalu bekalkan ulam & lauk pauk.....mak

Yang selalu simpan dan kemaskan barang-barang aku.... mak

Yang selalu berleter kat aku... mak

Yang selalu puji aku.... mak

Yang selalu nasihat aku.... mak

Bila nak kahwin..Orang pertama aku tunjuk dan rujuk..... mak

Aku ada pasangan hidup sendiri....

Bila seronok, aku cari.......pasanganku

Bila sedih, aku cari....... mak

Bila berjaya, aku ceritakan pada....pasanganku

Bila gagal, aku ceritakan pada.... mak

Bila bahagia, aku peluk erat....pasanganku

Bila berduka, aku peluk erat.... emakku

Bila nak bercuti, aku bawa....pasanganku

Bila sibuk, aku hantar anak ke rumah..... mak

Bila sambut valentine.... Aku bagi hadiah pada pasanganku

Bila sambut hari ibu...aku cuma dapat ucapkan "Selamat Hari Ibu"

Selalu.. aku ingat pasanganku

Selalu.. mak ingat kat aku

Bila-bila... aku akan talipon pasanganku

Entah bila... aku nak talipon mak

Selalu....aku belikan hadiah untuk pasanganku

Entah bila... aku nak belikan hadiah untuk emak

Renungkan:"Kalau kau sudah habis belajar dan berkerja... bolehkah kau kirimwang untuk mak?mak bukan nak banyak... lima puluh ringgit sebulan pun cukuplah"...Berderai air mata jika kita mendengarnya........ Tapi kalau mak sudah tiada..... MAKKKKK... RINDU MAK..... RINDU SANGAT....Berapa ramai yang sanggup menyuapkan ibunya....berapa ramai yang sanggup mencuci muntah ibunya......berapa ramai yang sanggup mengantikan lampin ibunya......berapa ramai yang sanggup membersihkan najis ibunya.......berapa ramai yang sanggup membuang ulat dan membersihkan lukakudis ibunya....berapa ramai yang sanggup berhenti kerja untuk menjaga ibunya.....dan akhir sekali berapa ramai yang sembahyang JENAZAH ibunya......

Seorang anak mendapatkan ibunya yang sedang sibuk menyediakan makan malam di dapur lalu menghulurkan sekeping kertas yang bertulis sesuatu. Si ibu segera mengesatkan tangan di apron menyambut kertasyang dihulurkan oleh si anak lalu membacanya.

Kos upah membantu ibu:

1) Tolong pergi kedai : RM4.00

2) Tolong jaga adik : RM4..00

3) Tolong buang sampah : RM1.00

4) Tolong kemas bilik : RM2.00

5) Tolong siram bunga : RM3.00

6) Tolong sapu sampah : RM3.00

Jumlah : RM17.00

Selesai membaca, si ibu tersenyum memandang si anak sambil sesuatuberlegar-legar si mindanya. Si ibu mencapai sebatang pen dan menulis sesuatu di belakang kertas yang sama.

1) Kos mengandungkanmu selama 9 bulan - PERCUMA

2) Kos berjaga malam kerana menjagamu - PERCUMA

3) Kos air mata yang menitis keranamu - PERCUMA

4) Kos kerunsingan kerana bimbangkanmu - PERCUMA

5) Kos menyediakan makan minum, pakaian, dan keperluanmu -PERCUMA

Jumlah Keseluruhan Nilai Kasihku - PERCUMA

Air mata si anak berlinang setelah membaca apa yang dituliskan olehsiibu. Si anak menatap wajah ibu,memeluknya dan berkata,"Saya Sayangkan Ibu". Kemudian si anak mengambil pen dan menulis"Telah Dibayar" pada mukasurat yang sama ditulisnya...

*******************************************

Sedih kan? bukan first time aku dapat email2 cite ni...byk kali..but everytime aku bace...memang aku sebak...coz sooooo true!

as i was reading this, my mind went back to my childhood.

'Ja kok Ja, gulai nangka,

Manja cantik Mak suka'

that's how she used to wake me up every morning. singing in that melodious voice of her. sitting beside my bed, caressing my hair...while i was thinking like;

'alaa....nak tidoq lagi....jgn la gerak'

huhuhu....kejamkan aku....over the years, i'm becoming more and more distant with her and my family. how i regret that. how i wish i could turn back the times and start all over again.

i want to take back setiap 'uh' dalam percakapan aku dgn mak.

i want to do all those things yg mak nak.

but i cant. still, i do hev the chance to make a change.... i hope it is never too late....

Happy Mother's Day to all the moms in the world!!

Kejam kan aku...

@ the moment I feel so rotten! So very ungrateful! Just now my sis sms me telling my dad @ Jln Bandar. Obviously he being there has something to do with the accident. He must be there to collect those documents. He went there by BUS! I cant imagine and everytime I tried to, I felt like hell!

The thing is, last week during weekend, I ask him bout my car, when will it be ready. He said he was waiting for docs from police. OK la. Aku pon bukan nak kete cepat sgt just nak tanya. OK I admit memang aku agak xsabar coz Kancil tu memang menyakitkan, but I can deal with it. Sumpah! I don’t mind at all….

So, when I heard that Ba went to KL by bus just to get the documents, I’m sooo devastated. I felt like ungrateful child! atau adakah after derma darah kita akan rase lebih emosional?? Maybe, maybe not. So I sms Ba (SMS jek…???chicken!);

‘Ba, awat xbagitau nak p situ. Manja leh pi amek sendiri kalo ba bgtau.’

He replied;

‘ta apa la’ sms my Dad memang simple jek..hehe

‘Ba mai dengan apa?balik bila?’ lagi mau tanya naek apa kan?konon berlakon innocent la tu…tak gune nyer anak.

‘Ba nak balik dah. Awat?’

‘Tak dak la. Rase guilty sebab Ba yang kena mai amek. Igt insurans settlekan semua tu..huhuhu’

Banyak lagi aku nak cakap…But I just couldn’t say it. Dada ni dah rase berat dah… serious I felt like shit! Tu la masalah aku kalo dengan family. I couldn’t ckp what’s in my head, apetah lagi in my heart. Sbb aku sgt emotional! Nanti aku menangis jek. Aku xsuke menangis depan org! I just couldn’t! Malu dowh!

Then, my Dad replied;

‘Ta apa. Ba besarkan Manja lagi susah. Take care.’




......Air mata aku laju je keluar time tu gak. Kt café. In front of my colleagues. Malu?? No, I’m glad!! So damn proud of my Dad! I even told my colleagues bout it… Dorg terdiam…

‘Bagus ayah ko kan…..’ Kak Linda said slowly.

Akak, u hev no idea….. He never said he loves me. He never hugs me anymore since dah besar panjang. But everything he did, somehow, I can see his love for me. Dr dia la aku paham expression ‘Actions speak louder than words’. Dr dia la aku belajar untuk berdikari and selok belok kehidupan. Xpernah putus dr pesanan and teguran… mati hidup balik pon I will never find a person who is as patient and as strong as he is!

And sememangnya…I don’t deserve him…..

Derma Dara?h

m giving away my blood today... 1st time. not afraid of needle. juz dat m not sure my blood is good enaf for other people. i do hev allergies esp to antibiotic... but i want to nevertheless. mana la tau ada doc yg best nak participate...haha..but it wud be real nice kalo Edward Cullen or Lestat or Louise or Armand, yang take my blood...*sigh....it'll be the first time i'd swoon..haha...imagine that. that reminds me, i never got the chance to read all Anne Rice's The Vampire Chronicles...dis weekend Pay Less Book got sale at Ampang Point. better go and check it out...

Armand

Louise and Lestat

Edward Cullen (a tad too 'pretty boy' for a vampire me think)

Totally @ Lost

I started to feel real drowsy. So I google. Segala mala aku google. Last2 aku google cipanbagus…

Then yang last tu buat aku tercengang…rubbed my eyes a few times..but still the image is the same…erk??

Cipanbagus?? Confirmed! tgk...azambalakong pon ujud

Dating website?????? biaq betoi!

How on earth did my blog landed here?????Can any1 shed some light on this bizarre occurrence? Totally @ lost and in the dark....

Aku Kini #2

ForeTV Training: Acquisiton

Create Programme
Assign Version against prog

Create Rights Record
Specify Runs Records

Create Series Link

Create Acquisition

Link Programme Rights + Acquisiton

Set up Cost for Programme
Create Payment Rules

Lock Down

Nia wants us to do all of those. the thing is i cant remember what the heck i shud do... hahaha...

Richard!!!

Sayang gile. dah cun2 dah Mr. Kongkiak EL today. his wife's ford focus broke down this morning. mengikut logic akalku, wife die la EL. die kan mat rempit. bukannyer bwk kete pon. tp biasalah...boss...sape nak mrh...maybe die belum puas bercuti. ye la..bonus berpuluh riban kan.

Tp sayang seribu kali sayang....he EL the day aku on training. hmm...

Sesungguhnya aku sangat busan. thats y aku melalut tanpa sebarang arah tujuan atau pon sebarang topic utk dibincangkan selain kebusanan aku.

Suddenly i feel like having some choc cakes. or maybe those small cute cupcakes. but the only cakes they sell here @ the cafe is from Palace of Golden Horses. Believe me...Secret recipe lagi sedap. Went there a few times. Lunch quite OK la (really OK tp saying that nak tunjuk kerek sikit)

So, Richard force me to look at credit cards again. told him i just paid thousands (chewahh..tp mmg betol but tak lah seteruk how it sounded like).

'What??How much u used ur card??Wahh...so kaya one la u. u can la..itu Vitara sponsor'

Hangguk ko la Rich, if only u knew....

But it all is about to change coz m not goin' to use it till I clear it all. Good on me!

Maybank2Hell!

Lunch break....

somehow aku terperasan today is 5th May already and still havent got to settle the bills and all. huhu.. y do i hev to hate this part? guess everybody does too...

so..bermula la sesi Maybank2u aku for this month.

first to my dad. for my tumblebug yg i still havent lay my eyes on since that fateful day. mish u and tho u r not by my side........i......i...

....still hev to pay 4 u!!!! urgghhh.... thanks heaven only 1 year is left.tp kalo mintak big boss yg pay-kan aci x???

second payment is to cipan sulong rumah sewa ku...hehehe..babe, thnk for the advance!

third is the most excruciating of 'em all! that damn plactic money! first time aku bayar dalam 4 angka..agak mcm nak menangis pon ada tp yang pasti BP naek mandadak bile tgk balance yang still xclear2!

moral of the story: do not use plastic. u r just creating urself a credit card mess!u spend the money that u dont possess (dah mcm lagu shania lak..hehe)

Go green! hehe ade kene mengena ke?

Aku Kini....

Aku kini dalam training.....
Aku busan
Aku dan Richard bukak website credit cards from all banks
Aku terpikir utk apply another card... akan tatapi
aku tidak mahu dibelenggu hutang iutang
lalu aku trus katakan tidak kepada richard.
aku truskan training....

ZZzzzzzzzz.......

Kalau Jodoh Tak Ke Mana

Erm..quite a busy weekend. Got me a new bag yesterday. Haha… terima kaseh kepada pihak penaja yang sudi menswipe kan card anda. Since dah taja I this bag, then you can start slinging that Esprit bag of yours. I won’t get hysterical anymore. Sorry ek… forgot to mention that this was the bag I saw in Alamanda on that hari yang malang untuk cipan yang malang… thought the sale was over but yesterday when we went to Sogo to find perfume, bertembung lagi lak. Tu la orang kata… kalo dah jodoh…hahaha.