Thursday, March 12, 2009

Manusia(?) Macam Bagus

Now that I’m out of the blue, I’m into the red. Red hot. Chilli hot. But not red hot chilli pepper. I’m cool but slightly affronted. Let’s put it this way. You were always nice to this guy. Always lend an ear for his problem (a very boring one I might say, but you listen coz you are after all his friend). So normally you would think that he is all good with you. Then suddenly you heard that he’s been talking behind your back about something that is totally irrelevant to him, say, ermmm… the way you pose for pictures. That is soooo nothing to do with him but you found out that he’s been talking to your other friends that you are such a slut posing like that (do note that that is an innocent picture. Nothing sultry or erotic bout it…all clothes were on and nothing was exposed…absolutely nothing). But I guess in his sick mind, that is sooo immoral kot. Macam la die tu baik sangat. Changing gurls like he changed his clothes. MACAM BAGUS!

Can you imagine what kind of friend, a MALE friend for that matter, would do that to you? Kalo perempuan ye la..kan orang suke kate pompuan ni mulut jahat… But for a guy to do that… It’s beyond my understanding… Well, I shouldn’t be surprised la kan coz this guy pernah publicly humiliated me! But it does boggle my mind to think that he is considered quite a catch for gals.. Hey gals… Seriously, what do you expect form a guy like that? Bad-mouthing people behind their back. No respect for women at all. How can a person like that is appealing to woman??? That is not a boyfriend material! Hell let alone a husband. If you thought to change him, just forget that idea and find someone who really deserves you... Buang karan jek. You don't fall in love under the impression you could change him. That's is soo wrong coz you'll end up makan hati sorg2 jek. You dont't fall in love for wrong reasons my dear and hoping to change a guy IS a wrong reason!

Thank God some of them woke up from their nightmare and move on...But some still stucked! Personally, I think he is dangerous to us gurls.. macam serangga perosak la die ni. Agak2 die dah busan, die carik perumah baru. A very easily bored parasite that 1! hehe..Kejamnye aku. But it does make sense somehow...Just think about it. Maybe that appeals to some woman. Coz to say that he is such a mouth-watering hombre, with chiseled face like a roman warrior with hot, hot, hoooot body, hell….Jangan kata jauh panggang dari api, api pon xlalu nk bakar! Buang O2 je bakar coz tulang je ade. haha..teruknya aku mengata die kan? Well serves him right! Die mengata org tak igt dunia! Things that doesnt concern him pon die nak mengata...so eye for an eye!

Oh yes.. He’s been talking bout backstabbing friend and all that but I guess it never entered into his brainless head that he did backstab me. Eh, he got brain alright but maybe it's the size of a peanut! Makes sense what...If not, he wont be doing what he did and never realize it. Haha..aint that just plain ironic. Itulah…salah org je nampak…salah sendiri yg sebesar2 alam ni leh wat2 xtahu… Cakap pandai...blajar dari pengalaman sendiri he said. Of course he did! He backstabbed people so many times. No wonder he's such an expert on that matter..haha.

Maybe he thinks it's a game or sumthin' funny..

'Hello there my pren...I want to backstab you can r??..Lepas stab kite kawan la balik ok. Yang sudah tu sudah la...aku pon xtahu pe aku pikir time tu,aku xsedar. Nanti aku mintak maaf gune email ok. Payah la nak face-to-face. Tu pasal aku mengata kat blakang or dalam e-mail je'
Seriously..he is sick! Sick in the mind and body…
Thank God I’ve nothing to do with this guy anymore. If we meet in the passing, I’ll say hello and go my way. For me there’s nothing left to say to him. It’s no surprise considering the magnitude of betrayal I’ve received from him. Better get away and make a clean cut. From now on he’s just someone I unfortunately know. Not a friend…backstabbing people aren’t friend. They are parasite..the lowest form there ever is!

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

It's Showtime Babe!



Today I finally got the strength to go back to my old independent self..hehe..dunno why I changed or when I changed into those pesky, clinging gal. It just made me weak and pathetic. So now it's time to move out and free myself. It's showtime!

So, first thing I’m gonna do is get a new darn hair-cut! Make it short and simple as a mark of the new me. Hail to all the independent gals out there!




I need to make a move. I need to revamp myself. I need to recapture my lost self respect… I need to go somewhere I truly belong. Which is me! I belong to me. I need not push myself harder and further just to gain approval and love from others.. The only person I need to pleasethe only person I can depend on….the only person who truly loves me...is myself.



Monday, March 9, 2009

Learn to be Lonely


Child of the wilderness
Born into emptiness
Learn to be lonely
Learn to find your way in darkness

Who will be there for you
Comfort and care for you
Learn to be lonely
Learn to be your one companion

Never dream out in the world
There are arms to hold you
You've always known your heart was on its own

So laugh in your loneliness
Child of the wilderness
Learn to be lonely
Learn how to love life that is lived alone

Learn to be lonely
Life can be lived
Life can be loved
Alone...

Hmm...It is a sound advice right? Why depend on other people to make you happy? Yes..it makes sense that you are responsible for your happiness but...It is hard to live alone...So damn hard! It's in our nature to find happiness with other person, allegedly our 'other half' heh..what a joke kan? if that person is our other half why does he/she constantly hurt us?? They know that is it hurtful for us, know that we r not suppose to do that to the person we love but they did it anyway...So can you call that person your other half? Very baffling kan..

It is much worse when we are considered as just a mere obligation. now that is a degradation!!! obligation?! Can you imagine that? Love is not obligation! It is a Gift....People are getting confused now more than ever...It's all about give and take..pushing ourselves to limit to test our commitment to each other..If this phase pon xlepas test...next phase xpayah mimpi la kan...

Guess we'd better build a wall around our heart and try to live alone...hey..Won't be that bad kan...Try first and see where does that lead us to....Life sucks but still, there's nothing much can be done. Live and let live...and learn to be lonely. After all the only thing we can truly call our own is ourselves....yang lain tu sume Busyet jek!

Janji Manismu

Oh dunia ini
Penuh kepalsuan
Oh mungkinkah tiada keikhlasan
Apakah ini suatu pembalasan
Ku sedar kebesaranMu Tuhan

Aku bagai seorang kembara jalanan
Terumbang ambing di lautan gelora
Mencari kebahagiaan
Dahan untuk menumpang kasih
Mungkinkah suratan
Hidup kau selalu keseorangan

Hati membeku mengingatkan
Kata janji manismu... oh...
Ku dilambung angan-angan
Belaian kasih sayang suci darimu
Oh kejamnya

Lidah tidak bertulang
Ucapan cinta menghiris kalbu
Ku kan pergi membawa diri
Cinta di hati terkubur lagi

Tidak ku fahami
Mengapa terjadi
Peristiwa pahit mengguris hati
Jalanan hidup ini sudah tertulis
Kutempuhi dengan kesabaran
Kusedar kebesaranMu Tuhan...

Finally..i can relate to this song. Actually I love this song soo much but it had always been just a nice, emotional song to me, never really understand the underlying emotion it tried to convey. Funny..it took me nearly 20 years to fully understand the significance of this song..hehe..some people are just dim-witted hehe…stupid me!

Friday, March 6, 2009

Ice Cream & Sadness


Huwaaa.....nape aku maseh sedih??org tua2 cakap kalo sedih makan la eskim, baru terubat kesepian di hati....it'll help u thru bad break-ups, tiring arguments, bad hair day, gettin' fired by boss..all sorta things bad and depressing...think I'm in dire need of some.

Help!help!help! I'm melting here..

So somebody buy me Haagen Dasz please...??

I'm Sorry

I’m sorry of being so emotional
I’m sorry of being so possessive
I’m sorry that I cry for you
I’m sorry because I can’t live without you

I’m sorry for the tears you shed
I’m sorry for the damage I made
I’m sorry I’ve made you sick
I’m sorry I hurt you so deep

I’m sorry for giving you sleepless nights
I’m sorry for each and every fight
I’m sorry for your pain & agony
I’m sorry for the missing harmony

I’m sorry for my selfish love
I’m sorry for not caring enough
I’m sorry for my restlessness
I’m sorry for the losing grace

I’m sorry if I keep on hurting you
I’m sorry if you don't like the things I say or do
I’m sorry if with you I always put up a fight
I’m sorry I just can't do anything right

I’m sorry if I’m not too understanding
I’m sorry for all the headaches and pain I bring
I’m sorry if often it's hard for me to swallow my pride
I’m sorry if often I’m too blinded by anger to see your side

I’m sorry if I’m so complicated
I’m sorry I keep making you feel frustrated
I’m sorry I can't fight back the tears
I’m sorry if I keep you away from your peers

I’m sorry if I always complain about you not meeting my expectations
I’m sorry if sometimes I can't fight all these temptations
I’m sorry if I seem like a joke to you
I’m sorry if I don't appreciate all those sweet things you do

I’m sorry if I keep on repeating the same mistakes
I’m sorry I say stupid things and I can't find the breaks
I’m sorry I keep on hitting you when I’m mad
or ruin your day when mine's bad

I’m sorry for thinking of you so very much
I’m sorry I always miss your touch
I’m sorry of being so mad about you
I’m sorry for my every blue

I’m sorry of being so immature
I’m sorry now that can’t be cured
I’m sorry of being myself
I’m sorry that I’ve failed

I’m sorry and sorry again
I’m sorry of being insane
But believe me that I love you
Should I say sorry for that too?


Thursday, March 5, 2009

What is happening...

It’s been a while….so many things happened in between. Life just past so swiftly that I barely had the time to stop and just breathe deeply. Err that is not entirely true. I did take deep breath before I went into the interview room. Gosh…it was soo frightening but I managed to keep my cool…haha…dengan nada yg bangga sekali….I really don’t wanna talk bout the interview. As far as I am concerned, I did my best and it’ll all comes down to rezeki in the end.. Don’t wanna hope too much. Life taught me quite a hard lesson on that ‘hoping-menghoping’ subject…considered myself once burn twice shy! but thank you kepada resakse pewot for your staunch support..pelaburan mase panjang nampk..keke

All around me, changes is gripping hold on all of us…could feel the air is different, the mood is different. Hmmm… but I’m not very much affected by all this. Thank god I was able to move out inch by inch and finally free myself from this situation…not entirely but far enough to breath comfortably. Nothing lasts forever. Even friendship…it will wither and die…affection can wan and grow cold. Love will wear itself out, that is, if we did not try to keep it alive. Love is not constant; it is something that we have to work on.

And how about person we care about is destroying his/her future? What should we do? Yes…we don’t know the motives behind people’s moves and we might never know but it does indicate something right? It does tell us when she/he is making a mistake. How can we not get the irritable itch to approach him/her and say something to wake up.. But what’s the use when we know they’ll never listen. Throughout my 26 years of living in this very volatile world of feelings, I learned that, never try to change people, never try to interfere, never even dream of doing so unless I am 100% sure I am welcome to do that. Coz it can backfire….we want to do good but it might turn out that we are culprit that caused everything or maybe we’ll just get burned! So buzz off from danger! Busan la memikirkan ni semua….try to think for other when they themselves is unmindful of their problem. Baek kite tgk wayang kan cipan-oren-yg-suke-bace-blog-aku yang psycho ni…..