Not So Good Morning :(

I woke up startled this morning, hearing Katy Perry shouting at my tender ears ‘I kissed a girl’…huhu..a waste of precious time. Still got 10mins till the alarm went off. Hmm…I couldn’t find the strength to pick up my phone after glancing at the caller’s name…hmm…sleep is much more preferable when I’m in this state of grogginess…

I know, I know..that is soo not me. I never left a call unanswered unless I’m not available @ the moment. Just that I couldn’t bring myself to pick it up… Dunno what I’m gonna say or not say. Maybe I’ll say something I’ll regret later. So I’d better off pretending to sleep through the earsplitting sound. But will that person buy it?

I’m sensitive to sounds when I’m in the dreamland….even when there’s a car stopping in front of my house, I could hear the sound of the muffled, running engine, so imagine what can a modified exhaust do to my peace of mind.. Its deafening, deep, guttural noise really shatters my tranquility. Hell not only me, but my neighbors too. It’s family residence, do be more considerate. They have kids for God’s sake! Hello! People tryin’ to get some sleep here… people do get up early and go to work. Not everybody has the privilege of going to work whenever or even if they want! Baboon!

One night I came home around 11. There's a car, red MyVi parked in the alley beside my house, with the engine running, but thank God, it was the standard exhaust, but still it was clear to the normal ears. It was there for quite some times. I began to grew uneasy. The driver killed the engined when other people or car came nearby..Of course I was anxious aite. Then thankfully the car went away. I slept with 1 eye opened that nite. Dunno what went inside the car. Turned out to be a teenage boy from behind my house. His friends dropped him off in front of my house after circling the area for how long God knows...Whatever pon...my point being:

"Middle of the nite + loud noise = annoyance + aggravation. Simple arithmetic!"

Back to the story…. If that caller read this, I’m sorry I didn’t pick up.

Clouded Judgement?

Is it bad for your mental health to watch those sweeter-than-honey romantic love stories, melodious love songs and happily-ever-after romance novels? Will it cloud your mind with surreal notion of love and happiness? Does it ever hurt anyone?

Hmm..a friend told me once, I’ve watch too many of these movies and been reading too much of romance novels....most of the times I’m sarcastic, feet-firmly-on-the-ground type of person. But there are times when I really got lost inside the books and sometimes the lyrics of the song I listened to. And if the right movie came along, I just floated for days…Just like I did back in early 90’s after I watched Pretty Woman and Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves (the Kevin Costner one)… not that I believe it, just that it feels good to see good-triumphant-over-bad.. Geez.. I was so optimist back then. What have changed me? Duuh…

Rite now I’m listening to soft, sweet, melt-in-your-ears kind of song..hehe..dunno why, but a song can make me happy when there’s nothing to be happy about. I really do feel the elation if the right song is playing softly in the background. Not intrusive but inviting, enveloping me with warm, till my toes tingles… I know, you must be thinking I’m nuts. But that really do happened.

And a song can stopped me cold! Transporting me back to the past, engulfing me with chill and misery till I suffocate, and choking with the heaviness in my heart. It was dark and full of anguish. Usually those songs are the linked to my past. Not that I hate those songs, sometimes I just torture myself, listening to them all over again. Sometimes I really do believe I’m addicted to pain.

And books…hmm…books are 1 of my most treasured possession. I’ve been reading those 400++ pages thick novels since in form 1 and got hooked till now. I’ve read thousands of them! I can be considered as voracious reader..hehe…But unfortunately, I rarely got the time to read anymore huhuhu.. Reading gives me more pleasure than watching movies…in books you can really lost yourself into it. Immerse in it till you really feel like you are actually living the experience. Every moves, every feeling is fully conveyed. That’s what I love bout it.

But..somehow, I’m affected by all these.. If not why I’m still hopeful, still not giving up, still clinging to the absurd notion of love and happiness….? Hmm…maybe I should ponder more on this subject.

Out of the Blue...

I’m blue today…huwaaaaaaaaaa…….

Back into the blues land...in out in out...never ending circle of nauseating, stomach-churning motion of life....but i've a lot to look forward to...what the hell is the matter with me?

movie la tonite...late supper...hmm..maybe i'll feel better..but now back to work please...

p/s: isnt my cipan adorable?hehe

It's a Sad Thing 'bout Life

There's one sad truth in life I've found
While journeying east and west –
The only folks we really wound
Are those we love the best.

We flatter those we scarcely know,
We please the fleeting guest,
And deal full many a thoughtless blow –
To those who love us best.

~Ella Wheeler Wilcox

So true no? uhuk uhuk..it juz makes me wanna bang my head coz when angry I forgot all these things..I kept tellin’ meself (when I’m sane and not under manic depression or other psychotic disorder)…

‘For every minute I’m angry, I lose sixty seconds of happiness’

Now, ain’t that a scary thought? I am actually living my life in vain if I stay mad. But then when the red eyed monster start poking at my head tellin’ me to lose it, every sane thoughts disappear…ooo yeah..Feels damn good when I get to vent my anger..Sweet dude!

But then as the rage subsides I’m left with an ache in this heart tellin’ me what’s that for? Hmmm..why did I said those things? You see when we are angry we seldom say what we mean to say, and say something that we don’t mean.. Sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel kan?

Why kite nak sakitkan person yang truly care for us? Bukan musuh kite pon. Tp when rage blinds the conscience, it seem so doesn’t matter kan. As long as we can hurt ‘em as hope it cut as deep as it did to us. Hmmm….

Huhu..but all for nothing..last2 sume menderita…huwaaaaaaaaaa

I AM SORRY!!
LO SIENTO
MUJHE MAAF KAR DO
SUMIMASEN
MIANHE

P/s: remind me of my post whenever I start losing my cool..hehe…takkan nk jilat ludah seniri kan??kekeke

CIPAN: The Story of Hypocrisy or Just Good ol’ Manner

One fine day, Cipan Suci was minding her own business, going about doin’ what she does best, daydreaming. Then suddenly a wounded, confused Cipan Tanah, which lives nearby, came and started sprouting nonsense which stung Cipan Suci badly, instigating the wrath of nature upon Cipan Tanah, which none of the fellow rakyat of the Magical Black Forest of Kinyaya ever seen before..

You see..They have been living in harmony till that fateful day. So it doesn't make any sense this sudden death, eh, attack upon one of the resident of the forest. Creatures of the forest always hold on to the Divine Code which ' Thou Shall Not Disgrace Thy Fellow Creature'..

Insulted and shocked, Cipan Suci used her famous Fury Swipes to defend herself. They karate-kicked, silambamming with each other till fatigue won them over… Since then Cipan Suci and Cipan Tanah spaced out from each other…to make it short they’ve decided to make up and start over again…

The thing is… Cipan Suci forgave but never forgets. So now when they two met, they smiled and talked and laughed. But is it sincere? Or is Cipan Suci a hypocrite or just being polite? Hiding the Mask of Madness under the layers of good manners?

So orange-shirt-ed boy…whadaya think of this cipan story?

MORAL OF THE STORY…think before u say anything..words,once uttered have life of its own, it cuts deeper than the Colorado river through Grand Canyon, it lasts longer than the color of Wella on a butt-ugly hair.

Guess now Cipan Tanah won’t consider Cipan Suci suci nice anymore..Well guess what, Cipan Suci will try to be nicer ... if Cipan Tanah try to be smarter. That’s why Cipan Tanah shouldn’t let his emotion went amok or his mind wander around coz they are too small to be let out on its own. Hahaha what a joke!

Isk isk isk…sadistic streak is taking over me....

I'm Right! He's Wrong! End of Story!!!

Hell yeah… I am angry…y? I am offended. I am sooo deeply disappointed, saddened and thoroughly insulted! It a perfectly acceptable reaction considering I was being accused of something I didn’t commit. To think that I really thought that this person knows me well….hah! What a joke!

Well I guess I shouldn’t be shocked considering the whole situation is a sticky mess. Lgpon kalo hati dah dibutakan cinta…ape sangat kawan2 ni kan..macam cib la! Tatang la, belai la, jaga la bunga yg ko tanam tu. Yang salah adalah kumbang2, afit2, ladybird2, kutu2, rumput2 yg ade kt sekeliling…well of course it’s their fault coz how can it be a flower sooo beautiful, sooo sweet smelling, sooo enthralling be the one who's strangling, choking and smothering those ugly creatures, depriving them of the comfort and peace instead…..

aku membesarkan isu? Hell man, I’ve got more issues than a fashion magazine..duuh..I'm not blowing this thing out of proportion…I could just hear him telling me…

‘ko ni pikir logic la sikit’

Haha..i’ve news for u…someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
And this..

‘aku tanya jek…kalo ko xbuat xpe la’

Hello, do you suffer from some sort of memory loss? Amnesia maybe? Hehe…I should be recording every conversation I had on my mobile it seems..play safe baby!

Heck, I’m just minding my own business nowadays..truth be told, I am much more calm..who’d guess cooking does work for me! It really put my mind at ease…err…that is if the food tak burnt la..hahaha

Another life’s lesson to be learned…hmm..

Hmm…tetbe rase nk balik cabut rumput rumpai yg menyemakkan mate hati jiwa aku.

ke nk masak?kekeke..naseb la ade peminat yg sanggup risk food poisoning..tenkiu2!

Getaway

Juz testing mobile bloggin

the Origin of it

Why CIPAN? Why Macam Bagus? Honestly? I pon dunno. Sound cute maybe. n dats wat I always call ppl when I’m mad…

’cipan la ko’ yelling at the top my lung @ itik sengal

or worse

‘ah..macam bagus’ said meself to those yg annoy me sambil rolling my eyes...

… well tu dulu la..when I was still the sweet ever-so-nice (that’s wat my frenz @ MGS used to describe me as) gurl..(note: dulu itik konon macho xde kaco idop aku lg)....now I’m getting hot-headed, fiery and flaming HOT…hahahaha….terperasan lak…well..if I’m to not compliment meself, then who else aite? Urrghh…wutever!

Do U Know Where U r Goin' To?

Finally...i've done it...my own blog...hmm..What do people write in their blog eh?not really fond of bloggin' but what the hell...

Actually, lately i've been melancholic...thinking of the future...

"Do you know where you're going to?

Do you like the things that life is showing you?

Where are you going to?Do you know?

Do you get what you're hoping for?

When you look behind you there's no open door

What are you hoping for?Do you know?"

The path that i've chosen wasn't easy...But then, life offers us two paths to choose from. 1 is the easy way. But its reward is just that it’s easy….that’s all…so I shouldn’t feel any regret la kan? Huhu…tp bak kata Sinatra…

‘Regrets I had a few but then again too few to mention.
I did what I had to do and saw it thru without exemption’

Thinking back, there are a few things that I would want to do a bit differently…put more energy into it, more enthusiasm. But then again, it’s done and over with…I’ve made my bed now I have to sleep on it….no use cryin’ over spilt milk…huhuhu

Actually it’s good to look back n analyze the things that happened to us…kite muhasabah diri…then only we can learn from our mistakes….hidup memang payah…tp tak bermakna kita perlu give up kan…maybe…just maybe, there’s something wonderful waiting for us somewhere in the future kan? Hahaha…that’s what I’ve been telling myself all thru the darkest times of my life…That’s the trick. It’s hard but hard things yield the sweetest gift! We have to believe.


Lagipun Allah tidak akan menguji di luar batas kemampuan hamba-Nya….now, that a worthy point to ponder….hmmmm